Satisfied

Photo by Angela Cox Photography

I’ve lived so long in the practical— striving for my own good, fighting for my own desires, seeking to be satisfied in trophies, diplomas, marriage certificates, paychecks.  Whether I meant to or not, I lived defined by what I could see and hold.

So I went for it. I gained as many earthly glories as I thought I deserved. Student body VP, full college scholarship, select worship team member, magna cum laude graduate, debt-free, wife of high school sweetheart, writer for non-profit organization.

I nailed it, right? It’s the first half of Philippians 3, but Mel’s version. A Hebrew of Hebrews, blameless.

Yet in the past couple of years, I couldn’t shake this feeling of now what?

“Why are you downcast, o my soul? Why are you so disturbed within me?”

As a deer pants for water, my soul panted for the Lord—for Him to reveal Himself to me. I begged my God, “Where are you, Lord? Do you see me? What have You purposed me to do… to be?”

Imagine the turmoil within my heart when I gained all the treasures I thought I needed, but then found a big, gaping hole in place of satisfaction.

“Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him.”

I didn’t have a big AHA moment that changed my heart. I still battle my flesh as the Lord continues to refine this jar of clay.

All I know is, the gospel of the Living God is enough. It is my definition. It is my satisfaction. In light of it, all that I have gained looks like filthy rags. And because of the gospel and Christ’s example, I am invited into a life full of others-minded, adventurous, inconvenient, active love.

Jesus played with the little children, danced at wedding receptions, washed His disciples’ feet, wept over His friend’s death, befriended the despised, fed the hungry, carried hope, freedom, joy, and truth on His lips, and died the death we all deserved. His love was whimsical, relentless, liberating, unbreakable, selfless.

He is the epitome of love doing.

And so here I stand, my purpose secure and eternally wrapped in the gospel alone…

Do not be fooled into believing that your career is your identity. Do not fearfully worship the god of money and financial security. Do not define yourself by your relationships. Do not submit to the lie that this life is about you alone. You are My ambassador, called and equipped to carry out the love that I, your Savior, lived and died for—an inconvenient, generous, gospel love. Shut down every selfish thought. When you grow angry and cry out to be served, serve your neighbor. When you are so desperate to share your opinions, listen to your friend. When you feel heavy under the weight of financial strain, give even more generously. When the dissension in your heart stirs up arguments, speak slowly and forgive quickly. When they mock you for loving with whimsy and adventure, show them grace upon grace.

When this type of living seems impossible, refocus yourself on the gospel and remember My example, for it is My inexpressible joy to live this way for you EVERY DAY. You are living My dream come true; you are My plan. Rejoice in the honor of carrying out My name and live in thankfulness for all that you have today. I will give and I will take away, but rest in peace knowing that all that you truly have—forever—is Me.

So let your love be active… and unceasingly trust that I, Abba Father, am standing beside you, holding your hand, relentlessly promising, “I’m with you. Always.”