Holy Inefficiency
Photo by AJoy Photography, 2022
I had about 500 errands to run. Okay, it was probably closer to 5, but hear me out: I brought my four-year-old with me. So, parents, you know what that means. I HAD 500 ERRANDS TO RUN.
God bless my daughter—she is one of the great loves of my life—but bringing a little one along to do anything just takes so. much. longer. Sister is in a phase where she has to stop at every brightly colored thing she sees and say, “Mommy, can I have this? Please, Mommy, pleeeeease.” It’s cute at first, but when we’re at Ask #36 in as many minutes, it takes everything in me not to scream, “Stop being just like me! We can’t afford two of us!!”
As I returned home from our 5(hundred) errands, exasperated and—to be vulnerable with you—angry that even the smallest moments in parenting can feel like filing taxes on a roller coaster, I felt the smile of God upon me. In His loving, judgment-free voice (because that is how He speaks to His children), He whispered to me, “The beauty is in the togetherness, not the efficiency.”
Hoooold up. I equate efficiency with good stewardship! It’s honoring God to accomplish work quickly and effectively, right? If I complete my to-do list, I have more space to be present afterward (at least in theory). But if I’m being honest with myself, is life ever that tidy? Our family’s days are only ever filled with grocery runs and dishwashing and soccer practice and painstakingly cooking a dinner the kids refuse to eat. Our “doing life” and our “doing stuff” are always jumbled up together. And in those messy, mixed-together moments, our little ones observe how we navigate the mundanities of life. They witness our mornings spent in the Word. They notice how we talk to a customer service rep. They see our reaction when eggshells get in the batter. They watch us navigate a traffic jam (okay, that one scares me). All of those tiny moments somehow form their view of God, themselves, and the world around them. So when my Shepherd gently nudged my spirit last week, I remembered the only thing He ever wants from me, and it’s not an efficiently checked-off to-do list. It’s the same thing my daughter wants from me on a morning filled with errands: simply to be together. To hug and talk and learn lessons in between, even—maybe especially—if the learning process is slow.
In the story of God, both in the Bible and my own life, I see a Savior who doesn’t prize earthly efficiency in His Kingdom. Why else would He send His Son in the form of a newborn to lead His rescue plan? It’s almost laughable; one could say God had the ultimate errand to run, and He sent a baby to do the job! And yet the God who knows everything that ever has been and ever will be specifically chose that plan.
When Peter talks about the second coming of Christ in 2 Peter 3, he tells us that scoffers will pop up, essentially saying, “Is Jesus even coming back? And if He is, what’s taking Him so long?” Peter says in response, “But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance” (2 Peter 3:8-9). Peter is talking about how each day on this side of heaven is an opportunity to become more like Christ and lead others to Him. But I think his words also hint at the fact that God does not view time the way we humans do.
Which is to say, the One who weaves truth and grace into your days on earth holds ALL of time in His hands. Not a moment is exempt from His sovereignty and intentionality. So I have to ask: do you think He speaks to you the way you speak to yourself? Do you think He’s upset that you're not changing fast enough? That you’re slowing down His “errand” of sanctifying your soul?
Or do you think He’s a proud Dad, looking at His baby attempting to walk for the first time and cheering on every wobbly, imperfect step forward… because even that one step is a step closer to Him?
I don’t diminish efficiency to condone laziness or abuse grace. Without a doubt, stewardship in many areas of our lives does look like working excellently for the glory of God at a pace that honors Him and the people around us. Ecclesiastes 9:10 says, “Whatever your hands find to do, do it with your might.” So live accountably, expectantly, and faithfully. Do your work well. Help your kids with their homework. Repent and repair when there’s a rupture. Wash the dishes before bed. Yes and amen—that stuff is the gospel at work too. However, I think when we apply that same pace to the cultivation of our marriages, our children, and our relationships… when we demand efficiency from the One watering and tending to our souls, we miss the point. The point is to learn from and become like our unhurried Shepherd. The One who wants to teach us by being with us.
Jess Connolly always says, “We will never graduate from needing the gospel.” God will never hand us a diploma and say, “Yay, I have nothing left to teach you! Congrats on not needing me anymore!” Nope, that day will never come. And thank Jesus for it. Because—listen, oh my soul, and believe it to be true!—the whole point of life is to need Him! To get eggshells in the batter of life and find that His mercy outmatches our failure every time. To draw from His well of Living Water day after day, moment after moment, savoring every sip of His grace and kindness and presence. To cry out, “You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you” (Psalm 63:1-3).
What a gift not to rush through a life spent doing just that. To walk toward holiness at the pace of heaven instead of the pace of earth. To know that every failure we refuse to forgive in ourselves has already been forgiven tenfold. To see that, as we wobble towards our Good Father, He is reaching His arms out, whispering, “Come on, my love. I’m right here, and I got you. Let’s keep going.”
